you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
