I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
