I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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