I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
