From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
