I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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