shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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