I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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