I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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