We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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