Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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