It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
