I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
