You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
