I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize