I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
