her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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