Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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