Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize