When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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