im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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