They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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