then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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