I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
