Pappa wants mamma naked
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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