Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
