My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do vagina's smell?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
