the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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