i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
