kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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