i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize