Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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