Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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