I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
