dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need to stop coming to work sober
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.