1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My bed smells like the plague