You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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