so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
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I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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