My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
