After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
