You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
