I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
birth control should be required to get into college
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
