Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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