I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
