I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
4 words: hood of his car
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
