so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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