What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
