Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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