yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
