Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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