shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
