dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
