that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
