Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
