You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
