I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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