Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
