Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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