Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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