I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
