Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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