Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
