Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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