I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
