my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
