So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
